8 Refusal strategies that work

You probably vaguely remember those after-school specials with the Teen Beat heartthrobs in sappy, dramatized scripts about peer pressure at school. The victim was always a pushover at first, and the villain played the bully role to a T. 

In all seriousness, there were solid messages delivered through those shoddy productions. One specifically was about what we now call refusal strategies for teenagers to decline harmful substances.

Research from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse (NIAAA) shows that people who drink before age 15 are 5.6 times more likely to report alcohol use disorder as an adult than those who wait until they are 21 to begin drinking. Read our article here for statistics on teen drug and alcohol use.

In other words, abstinence is critical. 

But, the idea of kids simply saying “no” to peer pressure can be naive to the complex dynamics of acceptance and belonging that every adolescent goes through. That’s why deliberately teaching them refusal strategies can empower them to make the best choices and avoid harm.

Understanding Peer Pressure and Its Impact

It’s crucial to recognize the different ways peer pressure can show up—sometimes it’s obvious, like someone handing you a drink, and other times it’s more subtle, like wanting to fit in with a group. The first step is spotting these pressures and being ready to handle them.

• Direct Peer Pressure: This happens when someone explicitly encourages or pressures a teen to engage in risky behavior, like offering them a drink at a party. It’s straightforward and involves clear actions or words.
• Indirect Peer Pressure: This is more subtle and comes from observing the behavior of others. It might be the pressure to fit in with a group that engages in certain activities without being directly asked. Both types can be powerful, and teens need to be prepared to recognize and handle them.

Peer pressure is a powerful influence on teens, often pushing them toward risky behaviors like drug and alcohol use. Understanding how peer pressure works is the first step in combating it. Teens need to know that it’s okay to feel pressured, but they have the power to make their own choices.

Helping Teens Recognize and Respond

Explain to your teen that both forms of peer pressure can be powerful, and they need to be prepared to recognize and handle them. Encourage them to think critically about situations and make choices based on their values, not just the influence of others. Developing refusal strategies can help them confidently navigate both direct and indirect pressures.

Building Self-Esteem and Confidence

A strong sense of self-esteem and confidence can empower teens to stand up for their beliefs and make healthy choices. Here are a few ways you can help built their self-esteem and confidence:

1. Encourage your teen to find activities that make them feel great, like sports, art, or helping out in the community.
2. Remind them that they’re awesome just as they are! Their value is defined by their unique qualities and strengths and they don’t need to do anything they’re not comfortable with to fit in.
3. Help them set realistic goals and celebrate their achievements, no matter how small.

Effective Communication Skills for Teens

Here are 8 refusal strategies we can teach kids:

1. Decline confidently: If you’re offered a substance and don’t want to partake, then clearly and confidently say, “Nope!” Chances are, if you’re confident enough, whoever’s offering will be deterred.
   – Try: “No thanks, I’m good.” (Maintain eye contact and a confident tone).
2. Prepare a story: It’s always helpful to have a pre-planned story to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Whether that means you want to leave or refuse, preparing ahead of time to have a plausible reason will be extra empowering.
   – Try: “I can’t tonight; I have to babysit my little brother. My parents don’t trust anyone else, and I really need the extra cash for the weekend.”
3. Hit the bricks: The most effective refusal strategy is to literally turn and walk away. No more problem!
   – Try: “I’m heading out; this isn’t my scene. Catch you later!” (Exit the situation calmly).
4. Plan B: Similar to having a story prepared, you can plan for bringing up an alternative plan before you get offered something you don’t want. In other words, you can change the subject and redirect the discussion.
   – Try: “Instead of drinking, how about we play a game of basketball or grab something to eat?”
5. Laugh your way through: Using humor is a wise choice in this situation. Instead of directly refusing, try telling a joke.
   – Try: “I’ve got a championship coming up. Can’t risk it with anything stronger than water!”
6. Be a no-show: If you think that by attending an event you will likely be offered drugs or alcohol, then don’t go!
   – Try: “I was going to come, but I have this huge project due tomorrow, and I can’t afford to mess it up. Maybe next time.”(This way, you decline the invitation in advance and don’t put yourself in a situation where you need to refuse substances on the spot).
7. Buddy pass: The more people who refuse, the stronger you’ll be. Bring a friend who’s on the same page as you, and together you can stand stronger.
   –  Try: “We’re all staying sober tonight. Come hang out with us instead!” (Encourage group refusal).
8. Blame the parents: Tell them your parents are waiting up for you when you get home, so they’ll know if you’ve been drinking or doing anything suspicious. This provides a solid excuse that’s hard to argue against.
   – Try: “I can’t, my parents are waiting up for me. They’ll definitely notice if I’ve been drinking.”

Share Pro Dancer Chelsie Hightower’s and Pro Basketball Player Mike Conley’s stories with your kids to show them real-life examples of standing strong against peer pressure. Their experiences show that it’s cool to make your own choices and stick to what you believe in!

Most kids won’t figure these out on their own, yet they will likely find themselves in harm’s way multiple times throughout adolescence. That’s why they need you to share these strategies with them so they can be ready to face threats that can ruin their life.

They probably won’t come to you and ask you to teach them these skills, which is why you need to take the initiative with them. Sure, they might cringe, roll their eyes or beg you to change the subject, but at the end of the day, who cares? Their protection is worth being called a nag.