Underage drinking – How many times should we discuss it?

How to Talk to Teens About Alcohol

How often should you talk to teens about underage drinking? More than you think.

Real and ongoing conversations, especially in middle school, can shape a young person’s choices for life. They build trust, plant seeds, and stick. But they cannot be lectures. They need to be honest, two-way conversations about underage drinking.

These conversations aren’t just for parents. Every caring adult, including teachers and mentors, has an important role to play.

Understanding The Risks of Teen Alcohol Use

Drinking at a young age can lead to:

• Disrupted brain development during critical years
• Increased risk of addiction later in life
• Poor decision making and impaired judgment
• Negative academic and social outcomes, including lower performance and behavioral challenges

Parents, these signs often show up at home as: withdrawal, slipping grades, changes in sleep or eating habits, or a sudden shift in attitude.

Educators, these impacts often show up in the classroom as: disengagement, lower performance, sudden mood swings, or chronic absenteeism. 

The more we understand the connection, the better equipped we are to step in early.

Why Talking About Underage Drinking Is So Important and So Tricky

Alcohol is everywhere. It’s at birthday parties, holiday dinners, backyard barbecues, and Friday night takeout. Most kids grow up watching the people they love and admire enjoy alcohol as part of everyday life.

It’s familiar. It’s accepted. And for many teens, it seems harmless.

So when the time comes to make their own choices, it’s no wonder they feel conflicted. They’re told alcohol is dangerous, but they see adults using it like it’s no big deal.

Add in their natural drive to take risks, seek approval, and try new things, and you’ve got a confusing landscape to navigate.

But here’s what we cannot ignore.

A major study found that over 40% of individuals who began drinking before age 15 developed alcohol dependence at 4x the rate of those who waited until age 20 or older.

The risks of teen alcohol use are real, even if they don’t look dangerous on the surface.

So how do we help young people make healthy choices when the messages around them are so mixed?

Before we can guide them toward better choices, we have to understand what’s pulling them toward alcohol in the first place.

Why Teens Start Drinking

There are a lot of reasons young people try alcohol. Some are obvious. Some are subtle. Some are deeply personal.

Sometimes it’s curiosity. Sometimes it’s peer pressure. Other times, it’s a way to deal with anxiety, boredom, loneliness, or the overwhelming pressure to fit in. For some teens, drinking is a form of experimentation. For others, it’s a coping strategy.

At its core, drinking often serves as a shortcut to a feeling: confidence, escape, connection, relief. And in a world where teens are under increasing stress and have fewer offline spaces to belong, alcohol can look like a solution.

But what’s really happening?

Many teens are trying to self regulate emotions they don’t fully understand. Their brains are still developing, especially the parts that manage decision making and impulse control. Alcohol, in the moment, can feel like it solves a problem, even if it creates bigger ones later.

That’s why noticing the small changes matters.

For parents, this means noticing the small changes. A normally chatty teen becoming withdrawn. A shift in friend groups. A sudden defensiveness when you ask where they’ve been. These might not be red flags, but they could be yellow lights. And a calm, caring check-in can make all the difference.

For educators, this means paying attention to the subtle stuff. A talkative student suddenly quiet. A top performer pulling back. A joke about drinking during a group project. These might not be red flags, but they could be yellow lights. And a simple, caring check in can open a door.

The Teenage Brain and the Drive to Take Risks

Teenagers are wired for risk. That is not a flaw. It is biology.

Their brains are still developing, especially the prefrontal cortex. This is the part responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and long-term planning. Their brains do not fully mature until their mid-twenties.

At the same time, teens experience:

• An increased craving for dopamine, the brain’s feel-good chemical
• A heightened sensitivity to peer influence
• A deep drive to seek out new and exciting experiences

When substances like alcohol are added into the mix, the risks increase quickly. That is because the part of the brain that weighs consequences is still catching up.

This explains why even a smart, thoughtful teen might make a choice that feels completely out of character. This is especially true in social situations or when emotions are running high.

So what can adults do?

For parents, it means letting go of the idea that one big talk will be enough. What works is consistency. What matters is curiosity. The willingness to keep the conversation going is key, even when it feels awkward or they push back. Your presence, your patience, and your calm are more powerful than you realize.

For educators, the classroom becomes more than a place to deliver content. It becomes a space where values are explored. Where reflection is encouraged. Where identity begins to take shape.

When you validate effort, help a student name what they are feeling, or simply show them they are seen, you are doing more than supporting their learning. You are helping wire their brain for resilience and better decision-making.

The Power of a Caring Adult

Here’s the game changer:

One of the most effective protective factors in a young person’s life is having a supportive adult who shows up.

It doesn’t need to be a formal role, and it doesn’t take a perfect script. Just showing up consistently with genuine care can make all the difference.

For parents, that might mean listening without judgment. Setting clear expectations. Talking early and often about underage drinking, not just once.

For educators, it might mean:

• Asking “How are you, really?” after class
• Sharing your own passions (your “natural highs”) to model healthy joy
• Creating space for reflective thinking in your lessons

Even a passing comment like, “You’re really good at this. Do you ever think about pursuing it?” can plant a seed that lasts.

You may be the only adult who consistently believes in a student, and that’s no small thing.

What Parents Can Do

You don’t need to be a prevention expert. You just need to be present, consistent, and curious. Your influence is more powerful than you might think.

Here are some research-backed and real-world steps you can take to help protect your child from the risks of underage drinking:

1. Talk early, talk often
Start the conversation about alcohol before your child is faced with pressure. Keep it casual and age appropriate, even from toddlerhood. These talks aren’t one and done, they’re ongoing.

The early years matter more than most of us realize. Research shows that when a young person tries alcohol between the ages of 11 and 14, their risk of developing alcohol-related problems later in life increases significantly.

And as we shared earlier, their brains are still in that phase of rapid development – especially the areas that shape decision-making, self-control, and long-term thinking. 

That’s why your voice, your values, and your presence during this window can shape the choices they make for years to come.

2. Be clear about your expectations
Teens are more likely to make healthy choices when they know exactly where you stand. Set firm, respectful rules about drinking and communicate the real consequences of breaking them.

Some parents or caregivers believe that it is better to teach their children to drink responsibly or in moderation than to have clear rules against underage drinking. Others feel that as long as their child doesn’t drink and drive, some alcohol use before the age of 21 is to be expected and is not a big deal.

These beliefs are understandable, but they are not supported by current research. In fact, this study shows that kids whose parents allow them to drink before age 21 are more likely to:

• Drink more frequently
• Engage in riskier drinking behaviors
• Experience future alcohol related problems

Setting a clear, no alcohol expectation during adolescence is a powerful protective factor.

3. Create a safe space for honesty
Let them know they can talk to you about anything, without fear of being judged or punished. When kids feel emotionally safe, they’re more likely to ask for help or admit when something is wrong.

4. Model healthy coping behaviors
How you handle stress, fun, or conflict sends a powerful message. We’re not saying adults need to abstain from alcohol. But if you do choose to drink, be thoughtful about how you model that behavior to your child. Talk about why you make those choices as an adult. If you don’t drink, share your reasons openly. 

5. Be involved in their lives
Know their friends. Stay in the loop about where they are, who they’re with, and what they’re doing. Not in a controlling way, in a connected way. Teens with actively engaged parents are less likely to take risks. 

One simple but powerful way to stay connected is to eat dinner together as often as you can. It creates natural space for conversation and connection. Read more about the impact of family dinners here.

6. Talk about peer pressure before it happens
Role play or discuss what they could say if someone offers them a drink. Give them real phrases or strategies they can use in the moment, so they feel prepared. Try these 8 refusal strategies you can teach kids here.

7. Celebrate their passions and interests
Encourage your child to discover their own “natural highs”, the things that light them up and give them purpose. Hobbies, sports, art, music, volunteering – studies show these can serve as powerful protective factors.

Not sure how to start the conversation?

Try This:

“Hey, I’ve been thinking about how much pressure you and your friends probably deal with around things like drinking. What’s that been like for you?”

Or…

“You know I want what’s best for you. I’m here to talk – no lectures, no judgment – any time you need.”

The key is to stay open, curious, and calm. Even if they roll their eyes or brush you off, they’re hearing you. These moments matter more than you know. You can read about how to have open conversations with fewer eyerolls here. 

What Educators Can Do

You don’t need to add more to your workload to make a difference. Prevention happens in micro moments, and you’re already creating them.

Here are a few ways to intentionally support your students:

1. Integrate values based discussion into lessons when you can
2. Share Natural High Storyteller videos as short bell ringer activities. They’re all ~4-6 minutes.
3. Encourage reflection through journaling or open ended prompts
4. Share your own “natural high” to start a conversation
5. Use our free, standards aligned curriculum in health, SEL, or advisory blocks

Not sure how to start the conversation? Try This:

Conversation Starters

These questions work in classroom discussions, small groups, or informal hallway moments:

• “Have you ever felt pressured to do something you didn’t really want to do? What did you do?”

• “What helps you stay grounded when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed?”

• “What do you think it means to be ‘cool’ and does that ever create pressure to act a certain way?”

• “How do you think alcohol is portrayed in the media and how is that different from real life?”

Journal Prompts

These prompts give students a safe space to reflect and explore their own values:

• “When I’m at my best, I feel like I’m…”

• “I feel most confident when…”

• “Someone I admire who makes healthy choices is…”

• “A time I stood up for myself or someone else was…”

• “If I ever felt pressured to drink or use something, I would want to remember…”

You don’t need to have the perfect response to every student comment. Just creating space for reflection, identity building, and dialogue plants seeds that last.

And remember: connection doesn’t always come from a formal intervention. Sometimes it’s just about being the adult who notices, who names their strengths, and who sees them clearly.

Misperceptions Fuel Risky Behavior

Let’s be honest. Alcohol is by far the most accessible substance for teens. It’s everywhere. And because it’s socially acceptable for adults, it’s often perceived by teens as safe or at least “not a big deal.”

But here’s the twist:

Most young people don’t actually drink.

That part? They don’t always know.

Research shows that teens tend to overestimate how much their peers are drinking. And when they believe “everyone else is doing it,” they’re more likely to join in even if they’re unsure or uncomfortable.

Here’s what the data actually says:

• 78% of 12th graders have not had a drink in the past month
  
• 58% of 12th graders have not had a drink in the past year
  
• Youth drinking, including binge drinking, has been steadily declining for decades

But when a teen’s desire to fit in overrides their values or caution, they can make life altering decisions fast. And often, they don’t even realize the gravity of what they’re doing until later.

How We Can Help: Correct the Norms, Shift the Culture

The good news is, we can intervene.

Studies show that when teens are exposed to the truth that most of their peers are not drinking or using substances, their likelihood of experimenting drops. Simply correcting the misperception changes behavior.

But facts alone aren’t enough.

What they really need is aspirational role models. People they see as “cool” or worth emulating, who also lead healthy, substance free lives.

When we point these examples out, when we lift them up deliberately and often, we’re not just informing teens. We’re influencing their internal compass.

And that is the heart of prevention.

Here’s everyday examples of how adults can model confidence over conformity around alcohol use:

1. Declining Alcohol at Social Events

• “No thanks, I’m good with water tonight.”
• Shows that fitting in doesn’t require substance use or going along with the crowd.

2. Choosing to Leave an Event Early

• “This party’s getting loud and a little messy. I think I’ve had enough fun for one night.”
• Models that it’s okay to walk away from a situation that doesn’t feel right — no drama required.

3. Setting Boundaries With Friends

• “I don’t drink during the week. I feel better when I’m sharp the next day.”

• Demonstrates discipline and self-awareness in social situations.

4. Naming Your Natural High

• “Honestly, I get more of a rush from an early hike than I ever did from drinks. That’s my way to reset.”

• Shows teens that joy, relief, and stress relief can come from passion and purpose, not substances.

Young people today are navigating more complexity than ever, and the pressure to drink can show up early and often. But they don’t have to face it alone.

Whether you’re a parent at the dinner table or a teacher in a crowded classroom, your presence matters. Your care, your questions, your stories, they shape the way young people see themselves and what’s possible for their future.

They don’t need perfection. They need someone who shows up.

And that someone? It might just be you.